I've totally been there. I tried online dating a few years back and went on multiple websites. My only date went horrible and I was on the sites religiously for months. I started online dating again a few months back and I've had a lot of success. I created a Tinder Profile that even went viral. I'd love to share some of the things I did and what it was like for me.
I used to have super low self-esteem and I would get really nervous around women. I'm short and not rich. A lot of surveys show that black men have the lowest response percentage from women on dating sites, which was not motivating news for me as a black male. I had a lot of cards stacked against me.
The first thing I did was I stopped using online dating sites as a chance to meet women, and started using them as an experiment to see what people responded to. I treated the experience like a research project. I created different profiles, some funny some serious, and i would send different messages to different women. I kept track of what profiles and e-mails got the best responses.
I found that funny profiles work a lot better. If you can make a woman laugh you're off to a great start. A lot of people suck at profiles or they all say the same shit. Here is mine:
"Let me begin by apologizing for the typos. I don't know who created 'autocorrect' but it seems more like a cruel joke than a useful tool. I'm also blind.
I'm looking for a woman who is super mean. She also has to be really clingy and jealous. I prefer women who talk lot about their ex boyfriends and I love awkward first dates where we sit across from each other while texting other people.
I'm kind of a big deal. I once beat every kid in 3rd grade at foursquare. I was going to go pro but I decided to put my education first. I eventually graduated from 'The School of Hard-knocks.' The thug life isn't easy, but I do the best I can. I learned a lot from my mentor, Professor Dre, and I have successfully gone from having 99 problems to only having 33 (I can't figure out iCloud).
In my free time I like to take off my shirt and take selfies. I'm super in shape thanks to my strict diet of Mountain Dew and Twizzlers. I come from a Twizzler family; Red Vines have no place in my home. I work nights fighting crime. I'm not saying I'm Batman, but am saying no one has seen the Riddler in Austin Texas. "
That profile gets a lot of hits. I also had a friend take me shopping. I invested in some really good looking clothes, and I let her decide what I bought. Ask a girl you used to have a crush on to dress you. If you're like me you probably got friend-zoned a lot, but that's not bad. Have those women dress you up. I then asked and a friend who's good at photography take nice pictures of me. I have a nice pic, a funny pic, a pic with my friends puppy, and a pic with friends.
I also send messages to everyone. I ignore all women's preferences. Half the time it's ridiculous shit like, "He has to be 6'5, a doctor, and he has to own a griffon. I also like tattoos." If you have a funny profile women will give you a chance. Also a lot of women are not tied to their preferences.
I also make my first message funny and I change it based on the website. On match I say something like "I like your profile but I'm a little worried you might try and steal my kidneys. Do you have any references?" and on Tinder I say things like "Fuck small talk!" I also say things like, "Your name must be wifi because I'm feeling a connection" these things don't sound like they should work, but they are hilarious and make you stand out.
I always address the awkwardness of online dating. When I ask for numbers from woman I say things like, "If I get your number, you better not drunk dial me at 3am" or "I was talking to my grandma and she told me they used to use phones for talking! Isn't that crazy? Wanna try it out?"
As far as dates themselves go, I stay away from dinner and coffee shops. Every guy does those and the date often turns into an interview. I go for things like mini golf or even arcades. Anything where I can make easy distractions or create new memories. It's all about having fun! As I dated more my confidence grew and grew.
The last thing that really helped is getting a gym membership for gym that's 24 hours. Dating will fuck with your mind. Whenever I am stressed, or worried, or trying to get over a woman I hit the gym and work out until I'm to tired to think. I used to have a huge beer gut. Now I'm in the best shape of my life. You'll feel better and in turn you'll start looking better. It's a win win.
I know this was a long post but I really hope I was able to help. Dating is hard, and pop culture isn't helping. Hanging in there, and you'll get her buddy!