What the hell? I've literally have started obsessing about this 3 days ago. I literally keep fantasizing about pressing a reset button, correcting my mistakes and finding out how great my life would've been. I can honestly say that I've fucked up too much now to ever be truly happy, even if my life would completely turn around for the better. I've failed education big time because I was and still am a lazy fucking idiot, ruined so many friendships for no reason, completely disappointed my parents, suck at my hobbies, wasted my life by never doing any social or fun activity in 7 years and because of tinnitus I can't even enjoy the one thing I did do which was listening to music. For some reason what bothers me the most right now is that I rejected the only girl that ever liked me because I was and still am a complete fucking pussy. I don't know why and I know it isn't true but for some reason I feel like everything just went straight to shit after that. Like I got hit by karma really hard. I mean I used to be a smart, social and a reasonably good looking kid. Now I'm stupid as shit, extremely awkward, have no friends, ugly as fuck and can't even talk or hold conversations properly. As a kid I always thought I could afford making mistakes because I'd get more chances later in life, but clearly I shouldn't have assumed that so easily.

I'm genuinely wondering if I'm depressed or if my life just really sucks.