Yes, I experienced much the same thing from before first grade onward. I decided I was socially awkward, inept, insecure, and anxious and that I'd never learn to be naturally gracious. I thought I could learn, however, by reading books on body language, how to make friends, and how to build self-esteem.

I was finally diagnosed with Asperger's (high functioning autism) at around age 45 and learned that inability to read social cues was a real thing. I am not suggesting that you may be autistic.

However, CBT and self-help books for Aspies address the issues of "thinking you are friends with people when the other person doesn't see it that way", reading cues wrong or overlooking them, and how to gauge relationships with others appropriately.

Another possible issue may be seeing things as black or white while others see shades of gray in between. That can really mess up your interpretations of social cues, niceties, and small talk, as well as constructive criticism, sarcasm, and joking.

So while only you and doctor can decide if you have autistic traits, there is coaching available to Aspies that may be helpful to you too.