Not so fast, you redcoats! Nobody out-wastes the US!
We spend $40 billion a year on our war on drugs. Har, did you think you could have a bigger, dumber war on a broad concept than your bastard children?
The DEA should be disbanded, and all recreational drugs should be decriminalized entirely. Furthermore in addition to marijuana, all entheogens should be salable by licensed private businesses.
The enormous budget formerly assigned to the DEA will be instead used to reduce the health risks of using drugs. Needle-exchange programs, kits to screen for adulterants such as fentanyl, rehab clinics and programs tailored to specific substances and addiction patterns, and a number of other simple measures could be accomplished with a fraction of the tax revenue the DEA is allowed to burn in support of their frankly anti-American operations.
The remaining funds should be poured into the study of the chemical processes that give rise to addiction and disease secondary to drug abuse. Equally, the underlying chemistry responsible for the desirable effects of psychotropic drugs should be studied.
Our goal should not be to eliminate drug use in society. Such a goal is as odious as it is impossible. Instead we should seek to create drugs that produce the altered states of consciousness all humans crave in one form or another, but do not lead to physical or mental disease. Imagine a version of cocaine that retained the effect of mental stimulation but carried very low risk of causing cardiac arrest. Non-addictive opiates. Methamphetamine that keeps you feeling energetic and creative for days at a time without viciously attacking the body. MDMA that doesn't make people want to listen to Goa trance ad nauseum...
The people have spoken, and the people want to get fucked up. People in the US love their drugs so much that some of the most brutal violence in the world is carried out not over religious bigotry, or ethnic hatred, or political oppression, but over the right to sell drugs to Americans.
So let's be honest about who we are, fellow Americans. We're a nation of substance abusers, and it's time we embrace that fact. And why not? Some of our nation's best work is drug fueled. People all over the world listen to music written by our finest stoners, junkies, burnouts, and trippers. They have spent over $7 billion dollars to watch our most beloved drug addict lead a team of superheroes through a 22-movie studio power project that coul