Okay. My 45 year old brother, arguably spectrum but most likely just an asshole, landed in jail a week ago. He was arrested for battery and assault of my 67-year-old parents [including grade-A, classic Nmom]. He was drunk off alcohol he purchased scraping metal. He's been homeless off and on, but not really if you count sleeping in a car he inherited from my grandmother and parking on my parent's front lawn. He has depleted my parents financially and emotionally - they have continued to enable his bad behavior [alcohol abuse, chain smoking, verbal abuse, theft] countless times. I have been telling them for YEARS that he threatens their safety and he needs to be out of their hands and into professional help.
There is a really long story behind all of this - but in essence: my mom sends these EMAILS...long-winded emotional emails, frequently. This has not stopped since the arrest, as she has been leaning on my older sister and I for support. My older sister has been buying into it, replying back and forth...cc'ing me along the way. I keep trying to tell her that this is not OUR problem.
My mom has always ALWAYS played the victim, but I could have never predicted she would act like this if she actually was one. She's detailing in the emails how she's putting money in his account for toiletries and snacks because she's worried he isn't being fed enough. Says she's worried about him going through cigarette withdrawl [he ATTACKED them] Saying things like "he has had more pain in this life than anyone deserves" and "he is so smart and funny and bright and misunderstood". Said she had a consultation with an attorney.
I'm probably not making much sense and this is a swiss-cheese portrait of a fucked up situation but: I am so disappointed and heartbroken that she is so delusional as to not see the situation for what it is. That she won't accept her responsibility for her part in the situation. I just want her to leave me alone and save her vents for a shrink or her lawyer. I wish she had the foresight to realize that she shouldn't be consulting her daughters for advice and leaning so heavily on us for support. It's exhausting.
My biggest fear is that once he is out of jail, he'll end up right back where he was, rotting away in the basement of my parents' house. He does absolutely nothing, and while I do think he could maybe be spectrum and has not received the right care, I'm not a psychologist and I'm not his parent. I'm his little sister, whom he has only hurt and stolen from the entire time I've been alive.