Hi Maggie. I can relate about nMom's asian background influencing how she relates to you when you're 'americanized'. Did she teach you her language? Mine didn't.

I remember your story about how she didn't like the mother's day flowers, but showed you something she would prefer. The matter of factness where she believes she can talk to you like a dog, a servant, or her inferior. Is that how the Korean culture perceive children should be treated?

I've been trying to figure out myself what other Vietnamese people are like, and if their adult children hate them too. There's an asianparentstories sub on reddit where I go, and I found lots of people have similar horrific stories about their asian parents.

I don't know if all Vietnamese are suspicious, judgmental, superficial, gossipy and conniving. Maybe they are. And maybe they're that way because of the politics and environment of Vietnam. I don't know.

Either way about your mom...even if she's from a different culture...you're here. You matter. You, like me, are a new creation in itself. You are a new entity with your own separate culture she may not be familiar with, or want to be a part of.

All of us are stars passing through this world. We are born, we glow, we shine, and we blow out. Your mom is her own star. She can keep being her own star, but don't let her dampen your own star to accommodate her. Her time is waning, and your moment to shine is still in its ascendancy.

That was nice of you to send dad a Fday card and gift.

You don't have to do anything for anybody if you don't feel it. It doesn't matter if they are your blood.

You're 29 or 23? I'm 49 turning 50. I think there was a certain age I hit where I came to the conclusion they had no power over me anymore. I realized I've been taking care of myself for a very long time, and I've survived. Not only that I am doing very well.

I feel nothing for my nParents too. I don't think it is harsh to say she's dead to you.