I am an angry one too. It's taken me a long time to be able to control the anger. I control it because my actions at the time are stupid and damaging, and afterwards I feel ashamed of myself. It never feels good afterwards. Do you feel the same?

You need to work on it though. Being angry doesn't help anyone. It doesn't help you, because those rages make you look pathetic which only fuels the self-hate. I don't have any tips really. The thing I do to help myself is just stop and stay still and focus on breathing. And I ask myself, can this be changed? If the answer is no, then I should not be angry. If the answer is yes, I should divert that anger to action.

You aren't fat or ugly. You look like a normal person. You didn't include your age, but I am 23 and a girl, if that changes anything.

Also, I am a major stoner. I smoke weed every day to cope with my shitty life. As long as you use it wisely, then there shouldn't be a problem. Regarding your age here though, if you are under hmm... maybe 20 you might want to re-think pot. Smoking it while you are developing (brain wise) can lead to permanent damage. Not smoking it is hard though, so /r/leaves can help with that if you wanted to try.

Have you spoken to a therapist or a doctor about getting anti-depressants? I smoke weed because I stopped taking my anti-depressants. However, they were really good drugs and they made me feel more stable. I think you might really benefit from them. They make it so you don't go into crazy lows where you want to die, and then suddenly into anger where you want to hurt things or yell, and then suddenly you are fine and laughing. The drugs helps level that out to a more normal line instead of up and down.

You family should not have let you drink half a bottle of rum if you had never had alcohol before. That was irresponsible of them. Maybe you could apologise, and just say you didn't know how much you needed. We all go overboard like that with alcohol.

Also, why do you say fuck niggers? Are you racist? Or do you pick that because it brings you the most attention?

I think your course of action from here is to apologise to your family for the crazy drinking night, and explain why you ended up so drunk. You also need to find what works for you when it comes to controlling your anger. And lastly maybe go to the doctor and talk about medication.

Feeling nothing is normal when you have depression. I'm not here to say life will get better or be fixed, because it won't. But if you do have depression, you will need to learn to live with it, or it will ruin your life, and make you think you ruined it yourself.