Continued to listen, the licked cupcake lesson is totally Mormon. I have other Faith's in my immediate family, and they don't shame you in that way.
You start to shame yourself just for being human. I read the worth of a Soul at 12 and thought I was going to hell or outer darkness because of Masturbation.
You sound sexually repressed and frustrated, even when you were with someone you were not allowed to enjoy it or felt shame simply for the feelings you had. That isn't healthy.
"That's Because You Know What I Can Do With My Little Finger" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJOtbgWKkf8
In the end where you're talking about how the man wants sex, woman do this too.
You need a partner who puts your needs above their own, and they do the same thing for you. And sometimes, it's okay to be a little selfish.