That's gonna be tough. Aetna doesn't have great coverage around here. Is your employer here in town, or out of state? If they're in town, I would at least start a conversation with benefits to find out why in the hell they're not using Delta Dental or something else. I realize that doesn't solve your problem, but it's entirely possible no one has asked before.

In the meantime, don't get too discouraged. A lot of dentists are out of network for all insurance. It's worth finding one that looks promising and just having a conversation with their billing office to talk through how they'd go about billing your insurance if you used them for any services. What will happen is that they'll bill your insurance anyway and SOME portion of the bill will get charged...you just won't know until after the fact. And the preventive stuff probably won't be covered :-(

I don't know dental insurance super well but I've worked with national and local health plans for a while and understand that industry a bit better.