It is, I'm fat, ugly, mentally unwell, a very bad person and I'm gay too. So it is impossible.

I often see people online saying that my thought process is bad, and I've come to accept it too, they say it's unhealthy to put all your time into one person, even though that's what I've always wanted.

I met someone online, and managed to fall in love, I've never been so hurt in my life, I cried so much the day I deleted him, I only cried that much when I was staring at my mom in her casket.

I lost 20kg dieting on and off in two years, mostly in two summers, so I know how to lose it, simple - eat 1700kcal a day and try to add exercise. I've been so down about the "breakup" (let's be real, it wasn't any breakup, it was just me being a fucking moron), but after a few days I took steps to "improve" myself.

I start a new job Friday, I've been on a diet, and try to walk at least 6000 steps a day and then do some home exercises if I can. But what's the point... I have so much to lose, and even then I'll still hate myself and my body, I haven't been shirtless in like 8 years, and I don't see me showing my body to anybody ever, not like anyone wants to even see.

Again, I will never be "bikini ready" as I hate myself too much for that shit, I hate myself so much I doubt I'll ever even have sex or be intimate with a person at all, and I've come to accept it too. I find myself disgusted if I have any sexual thoughts, not only because I am disgusting and fat, but also because I'm gay.

I don't even eat junk food, I got to this weight because I ate emotionally, and still do, I don't care what it is.

Glad it all worked out for you, enjoy the life you've earned.