Many years ago, I dated a girl. For the sake of privacy, I'll refer to her as Tina. It didnt owrk out, and we stayed in ouch, but eventually went our seperate ways in life. It's 15 years later, and Tina has married, had 2 boys, divorced and moved to Kansas, and had 1 more. They are 12, 7 & 4. I stayed living in Florida, got married and am now in the process of divorcing her.
The father of the two oldest, lives here, in Florida too, but the father of the youngest, lives up there.
We romantically reconnected recently, and she came down over a month ago, and I got to know the boys. It was quite nice. It wasn't until a week after returning, that she told the oldest about her desire to be w me and marry me..
The reason I'm asking my question here instead of a relationship subreddit, is because I want to do what's best for the kids. I'm more specifically concerned about whether it's best for me to move up there or present to her that moving her children down here is a better option.
If I'm missing something please let me know otherwise I'll be none the wiser. I really appreciate your input in all of this.
Please note that nothing is set in stone, and the earliest any of this would happen is at the start of the following school year, or possibly the next.
Benefits of her coming here:
My house is a 3 Bedroom house, and I have an option of renting my parents 4 Bedroom, that can handle the additions to my life.
Many more options for school. Added advantage - no traveling Long distances to take the kids to school or go to work since she lives in a rural town.
I/We will have support from friends and family, similar to what she has up there. (Even she will have a biological father, brother, an uncle as well as a few stable cousins here)
She could virtually start fresh, down here. She's fully vested at her current job, and I anticipate she'd easily get a job here for similar pay.
Benefits of me moving up there:
The kids will not be taking a huge trip, uprooting their entire lives.
I'd be able to provide income while out of work via renting my house down here if I cant immediately find a job.
There are several offices that will possibly hire me at a much higher wage than what I'm currently getting paid.
She just recently got a raise and she won't have to risk having to start all over at a new job for the increase in pay.
I can assimilate the tools used by the others involved in the children's lives instead of learning as I go, since I do not have any children. I can learn what's been working, from those who are trying to fulfill that male fatherly role model for the children up there (Tae-Kwon_Do instructor, Tina's stepfather, and even a counselor working with the kids).