I really want to believe in a God. In an afterlife.

From the looks of it, it seems that most on this forum are agnostic or atheist. Is it possible to be both an ExMo and a believer?

Hey man, its all good. I consider myself a theist still, and while we're in the minority we are hardly alone.

I remember about 3 weeks ago when my shelf broke, it was really scary. I felt a moral vacuum and didn't know what to believe. A part of me thought that I had to abandon everything all at once and that just seemed so confusing and life disrupting.

I can't remember if it's something someone posted here, or if the thought just crossed my mind, but I realized I was not switching religions. I was just stepping away from one. And that makes all the difference. When you switch religions, you need to find out what the new religion believes and then adapt to it entirely. In this case, for the first time in my life, I'm free to decide to believe whatever I want.

The programming you get from being at BM is that you have to conform to the herd mentality. And that's really a common problem here, that new people need to conform to everyone else's behavior on the sub. But in my case, I certainly wasn't ready to have a beer. I really didn't want to stop praying. I'm not ready to stop wearing garments yet. And there was still a number of things the church taught that I was on board with, even though I have no more patience for their broken fundamental claims (the concrete basement is too cracked up to hold the building, but I'd still like to save some of the furniture inside).

Please, feel free to believe whatever you like. There are a lot of neat things in Mormon belief that can become a part of your personal moral code. I think everybody who leaves religion should write down their own personal moral code. It can be whatever you want it to be. And if it includes a lot of hopes left over from Mormonism, that's great too. I also hope that there is a purpose for humanity beyond this life. And I've also awaken to realize that I still need to help maximize my life and maximize the lives of others around me, because the one thing we all agree on, this life is real and there's no point in wasting it. And if that has a spillover effect into a life after this one, that's fantastic! But if not, well, at least we didn't waste of this life.

So in my case, I am out of the church in a sense, but I'm still not afraid to attend a sacrament meeting now and then, or go to a ward function, or follow the word of wisdom for my own personal health reasons. Heck, I'll probably even listen to a few talks of General Conference in April. And I'm free to gradually adjust those things as time moves on. There's no rush. (Unless you had it emotionally, and just need to get out of there quick). In my case I have no hard feelings toward the church, I just don't feel it is honest in being what it claims to be, and i can't support that anymore. But I can still use some of the parts I do like, and then choose to abandon them later or whatever, no rush and that's wonderful.