The downsides of getting sober that no one talks about.

I've been a drug and alcohol enthusiast for over a decade. I've given up everything. Nicotine/Tobacco, Alcohol, Weed, Amphetamine, Methamphetamine, Heroin, Tramadol, Synthetic Weed, Zopiclone, Lorazepam. The list goes on, but I'm not here to gloat or act like some sort of addiction superman.

So taking into account what I just said, here's what I would relate to your issue. The passions that I had during each of these heavy patches of using were, in the end, not very fulfilling. Video games were constant, as was emotionless, casual sex. At the time I felt like it was great, but in reality, it wasn't. I was writing a lot at the time, but all my writing work was weak, self-involved, pathetic shit. It had no heart, no truth, and the only things I could even remotely write about were the cycles of addiction I was in. It took around 3 - 4 weeks being totally sober before I started to develop genuine passions and hobbies.

First of all, exercise a little. I like to do weights in the morning, just 5 to 10 mins of light chest work and I watch an episode of my favourite TV show while I'm doing it. Then I go for a walk, either to work, or to my favourite cafe. It takes about an hour, but it's a nice casual walk and I find I have time to enjoy things like sunlight, nature, smells of food, the feeling of not being weighed down.

The first time I had a proper night of sleep (5-6 hours) I couldn't believe how good I felt the next day. I changed my diet to cut out most shitty foods, and now I feel lighter and cleaner every day. I meet with my friends for coffee and chatting a few times a week, we go swimming twice a week, and I now have a girlfriend who I'm (for the first time ever in my life) deeply devoted to and am building a beautiful relationship. I've started writing again and am about to put out my first poetry collection, and I've started learning the viola, which I can actually focus on, and build on each time I play and practice.

The point of all of that ramble, is that every day is an improvement. Every day I'm finding something else that I enjoy or want to spend my time on. Now, I find myself wishing there was another day in the week that I could do something else in.

The addiction, the drinking, the 'filling the void', it's all temporary. Even if you aren't hitting rock bottom or slipping into the abyss, you're not moving forward, you aren't making progress, and anything you do make progress in is clouded, hazy, and not truly engaged with mentally, emotionally and physically, so it's just a 'Groundhog Day' loop. Right now, you seem to be in the same mental state as when you were drinking, your life is the same but just minus the booze. Slowly begin to fill that empty time with things you discover you like. Reading, Sex, new food, exercise, making new friends.

tl;dr - Stick with the sobriety. Every day gets better, I promise. And once you find the personal strength that goes with being in total control of your own life, you never, ever have to sacrifice that for anything. Let alone a damn drink. Also, as you can see from this thread, you are not, and never will be, alone. x

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