3. I (F23) need someone to tell me if I'm seeing things the wrong way

I (F23) need someone to tell me if I'm seeing things the wrong way

Try asking him again to inform you of plans ahead of time. Were you frustrated because he didn't tell you that he was going to smoke weed or because he went out with his friends?

I personally would be frustrated if my SO went out without informing me ahead of time. Then again, it's never happened to me so can't really give a lot of advice on that. However, I wouldn't be frustrated if he smoked weed without telling me. But then again, that's a personal take on it. My SO's Dutch and was open to me that he smokes occasionally with family and friends, so it doesn't bother me.

I don't think your boyfriend doesn't "give a fuck" about the relationship, but I don't know you guys in person so I can't be the best judge of that. You know him better than we do.

I could also say that my judgement is just subjective. It's just that my boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years, and we don't share our friends' names with each other because we don't find it necessary. Surely, I know only like 1-2 friends of his and he knows about the same number from mine. We don't really bother with knowing everyone that we only "sort of" hang out with. What matters more for me is the fact that I'm close with his family because they're the ones that matter most to him.

From my experience with my relationship, I would say we're both healthy attached because we've had zero issues with jealousy, trust, or anything similar. He simply tells me about a few hours before he goes out that he's hanging out with some people, and I don't feel the need to ask who they are because I just trust him. He does the same for me. He's never asked me about the people I hang out with for as long as I come home safely. If I end up partying or in a bar until 4 am, he could care less as long as I respect the relationship. If he ends up doing the same or smoking weed, I don't really care? Not because I don't care for him, but because I know he's a mature adult who knows his decisions. I don't feel the need to bombard with messages.

Because of that, I think your boyfriend may be the same as ours when it comes to attachment style? I would describe it as healthy, to be honest.

Then again, relationships are very personal. This type of dynamic may not work with others - hence, it may not work for you. That could be why you're frustrated about him not informing you of anything.

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