Oh yes I feel I've failed my parents, but in a different way. I've typed this out a few different times but I'm still not sure what to say. I had a happy, normal, childhood with loving and attentive parents. When I was 16 I spent 6 months in the hospital, was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, and my dad lost his job. It was a downward spiral from there. It's hard to explain how they got from point a to point b, so to put it bluntly they quickly became addicted to heroin and became a shell of who they were. My parents who had previously never even raised their voices at each other began viciously fighting, hands on, breaking the whole house in the process. This was terrifying to witness at 16. When I was 18 I needed their help arguably more than ever to get on my own feet, I had to idea about rent and how to take those first steps. I forever will feel a little guilt because as soon as I left that's when their lives completely fell apart worse than before. They became filthy hoarders, I haven't been in my mom's house in a while but they literally had dog poop 3 feet high piled up in their house, just let their dogs pee and poop wherever. My mother's front teeth fell out. Somebody broke in their house and stole 2k from them in drug money. While I was busy feeling helpless wondering what I could do I met my husband and my wonderful in laws who are for all intents and purposes, my real family now. Here's the thing. Drugs can change someone's personality for sure, but my parents became very toxic and hateful people. My mother constantly told me that her life was ruined and it was my fault, she told me she secretly hated me since the day I was born, she told my husband could never really love someone like me. I'm 8 months pregnant now, and the first thing she told me is that I deserve to miscarry. Because of my baby I can't help her anymore, he is my priority and it's my job to protect him so I can't. I feel enormous guilt over this. I'm honestly waiting on a phone call to hear one, or both of them is dead. It's so easy to stand from an outside perspective and say it's not my fault and they're not my responsibility, which isn't a lie. But I feel as if I'm the only one who ever had any power to help them, I just don't know how. I feel like they will die or at least continue this horrible existence and it's because I've failed them, I don't care if it's not essentially my fault. My parents are vile, toxic people, but they're mentally ill and physically sick. The rest of my family has more or less disowned me for not knowing how to help. I had to deal with months of harassing phone calls asking why I didn't love them, how I better never show my face at their funeral if they die, how I'm the one closest to them so they're my responsibility. They even suggested I quit my job and leave my husband for some sort of court order putting me as their guardian, but what the hell would that even do? I feel like I've failed to protect my family members and save them from what they're going through when they were too weak to help themselves, and it's something I struggle with everyday. Sorry for the blocky text but it's awesome to vent.