I'm pissed off.
Back in October my husband and I made a promise. He lost his job, the state's economy sucked that the only jobs left were call centers. I'm hard of hearing and yet, in desperation to help out with the bills I constantly got call center jobs only to get fired.
Husband could do it with his eyes closed but he refused. He got hired by Amazon back in August, but they took too long to get back to him. We had two choices:
Or
Anyway.
After the move, we promised that we would take weight loss seriously and that we'll do everything we can to get back on our feet. One of my hearing aids died before the move, I don't think it can be fixed. So I had to change my goals from losing weight and job hunting, to losing weight, learn ASL as soon as possible in case the other dies too, and learn how to program so I can at least try to freelance from 'home'
His side of the deal was to job hunt like mad, then he changed his goals to losing weight so he can enlist in the Navy. I have lost between 30-35 pounds (it fluctuates thanks to water weight) in the past three months, learned some basic ASL words, and finished my website html5/java courses online (about to learn the actual programming). I'm at the mercy of everyone, their diet, what to buy, where to go, etc. My in-laws never bothered to show me where to go for hearing aid repairs. They also try to talk my husband out of the Navy and rag on him to get a minimum wage job because that's better than nothing.
Meanwhile, in the past three months....my husband bought the ASVAB book to study but didn't study. He decided since it's been years he'll pig out on homemade food, hang out with family, and worry about dieting after the holidays. He gained between ten to fifteen pounds!!!!! It's after the holidays and he's still eating like a pig. He'd rather play the lottery and exercise once or twice a week than calorie counting or even attempting the three day military diet.
I would've just left. In 2010, he moved in with his parents then because he lost the apartment. We were separated for one year, in that year he was so desperate to see me again that he got a job, saved up 6-8 months rent and moved back to my state pronto. I keep asking myself if my being here with him is making him complacent, I KNOW that if he was the only one to move and I moved back in with my parents he'd move MOUNTAINS to try get me out of that situation asap (my parents are abusive and toxic, if I move back in I'd probably commit suicide).
But no. His wife is here. He'd rather be a fat ass and goof of for months before plunking down. My bank account closed and he refuses to give me money because he'll know I'll just up and leave, I'd rather stay at a homeless shelter or live out of my car in the dead of winter than spend one more day at his parents' house.
Don't get me wrong, his parents are nice but it's like oil and water. I can't communicate with them, they are enabling his behavior AND at the same time trying to sabotage his goals. Their drama is distracting my husband and it irritates me how they can pretend to act normal around each other when they made it perfectly clear that they are divorcing as soon as the youngest goes to college (pretty sure fil is having an affair). Not only that, but my husband didn't tell them about me or my family, so when I don't do as many chores around the house because I was raised to be respectful and only clean up my mess when I'm someone's guest (face it, if this was a permanent or long-term living arrangement I'd be way more helpful, but this arrangement was supposed to be only 3 months), they assume that I'm totally helpless, useless, and they actually said to MY FACE that if my husband works, I won't be able to do anything because I'll be like a baby. WTF!
My hammy MIL who NEVER bothered to work since she was 19, who never bothered to learn fluent English, said that. I fucking wanted to punch her. They didn't teach their son Jack shit, since the day I met my husband I taught him how to swim, manage finances, how to job interview, how to time management, the rules of the road, even offered to illegally teach him how to drive when he didn't have a permit, I worked my ass off full time in college and at my job to at least graduate and kept a roof over his head and bought him food until he got a job of his own. My husband was a domestic guy like Martha Stewart, but he didn't know about the real world. Ffs, I even showed him how to tie a tie, and let him learn how to do some basic maintenance on my car. Neither of us had a father figure but the difference was my dad was absent and step dad was a moron. His dad is Navy reserve and is home a lot now that he doesn't deploy, so he should be doing these things with his son (my hubby) but doesn't.
So I'm still obese but lost weight right? My hammy in-laws (sans sister in law and father in law, but everyone else like aunts and uncles), knows I lost the weight but constantly teases me that I'm "dieting". AT LEAST I'M DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. My husband, even though I subtly and not so subtly shit lord him ("when are you going to uphold your promise? Do you want to stay here a year?!"), doesn't do anything. He refuses to weigh himself, he refuses to study for the asvab, he refuses to get a job in the meantime, he refuses to spend some of the refund and birthday money he got on helping me fix my hearing aids (if it can be fixed) but has no problems buying gifts for himself or paying for everyone's groceries.
Fuck. I just... I just can't.
Hubby begged me three more months, that was weeks ago. I'm at my breaking point. I hate living with my in-laws. I hate that it made him so complacently lazy that he's ignoring me and now pegs me as the nagging wife.
Dude only needs to lose 35-40 pounds. Guys lose weight a lot faster, he would've been down that weight within 2-3 months with exercise and CICO. By now, he would've been enlisted or whatever, by now he could've gotten a job and with that refund we would've gotten our own place or save up for our own place.
I realize everything's on him, and I feel horrible about it. But how can I realistically go out and get a job in a border city (20 minutes from Mexico) when I can't even hear the interviewer or know Spanish fluently? The deck is stacked against me. I could get a call center job even if I get fired in a month, but there is only 2 companies here that does call centers, both require Spanish.
Only jobs here are under the table ones, bilingual customer service, or health. It's a freaking gold mine for my husband who is bilingual and can get anything, but he just wants to remain a fatass and refuses to lose weight the right way. He doesn't believe in CICO, even though I'm proof, and thinks he can't do it, so he'll just work out for an hour.
It's been a week since New year's, hasn't done jack shit except fix the bike and rode for 20 minutes one day!
/end rant..... Sorry rant was more irl than fatlogic.