KEEP TRYING “I’ve been in denial about the fact that people know I’m drunk, I was able to convince myself that know one knew for some reason”..
Very much relate too. I realized that over the last two years because of the fact that I only interact with the same people I’ve know for my whole life, THEY ALL FUCKING KNOW. It’s not to hard to see. even if they don’t know you personally, they can probably tell.
You can see it yourself when someone’s drunk as piss balls as you and I have probably have both been before. As well as when you’re not piss balls drunk, everyone knows when you’re buzzed or drunk. THEY CAN TELL. Everyone can tell.
Most people don’t know addiction though. The people you know, know what you’re struggling with. They’ve seen it progress, unless they’re emotionally stupid, oblivious, or don’t care.
People haven’t given up on me yet. They did however, write it off as casual or social for a long time. It’s hard to notice, but nobody’s left yet, which helps give me strength to keep trying, for others. That’s not the case for everyone, and I hope that’s not the case for you.
When I’ve gone on NO booze binges (sad I call it that bc daily drinking is regular) I feel the old me, sober and younger, from ten years ago trying to come back but the cold sweats, omg they’re the fucking worse, and the shakes, and I have to try to hide it from everyone. And I feel like a shame. Partly because it’s hard to talk to people about addiction, partly because I’m withdrawing (shakes, shakes, pink elephants) and it’s been the hundredth time being through it, trying not to show my addictions, and to carry on with my life and act normally (nearly impossible when withdrawing from most substances.)
“They didn’t say anything but they certainly would have been noticing my decline as drinking got worse.”..
I’m in no place to give advice as I am a very much so a struggling alcoholic but I also have people who notice and don’t say anything. It happens, people don’t know how to handle this type of thing.
I do know that if you know people are noticing they are part of the people you keep company with and they probably love and care about you too, but they’re not doing enough. Asking them or reaching out to them may help.
They haven’t reached out to you though. Even when you know, that they know that they noticed. Shaking hands and looking like death aren’t hard to notice. That means that they’re not doing enough to help fight the terrible disease of addiction. Not that they’re not important, they’re just not doing enough to help you get better or “sober”, (I started with better because almost everyone I know who struggles with substances abuse has underlying issues and more important than completely sober is being mentally and physically healthy.)
You need to find people to help you.
I reiterate, I am an alcoholic, and assumingely as you’ve posted this here you are too. Most of us in this sub are. But you posted and admitted. You told someone, a community of people struggling just like you, and that’s amazing.
I am a hypocrite as well, as I am in fact buzzed and high right now, off a cocktail of stuff from last night. Fortunately this subreddit doesn’t discriminate against people that have gotten sick or fell off the bus...... again... or again.
Sorry for ranting, but always,
KEEP TRYING.
KEEP TRYING.
KEEP TRYING
Today’s my day one with you.
And if you fail
KEEP TRYING