I want to find a middle ground where I am happy.

I am, physiologically not a happy person. Dopamine, whatever, I lack it, and booze gives it to me.

At the same time, booze robs me of my ability to work hard. I'd have made 10 fold the money i have so far if i'd have been sober, however, i'd also have been an angry soul who likely alienated friends & family. so it's a win/lose thing.

I do not know the answer to this question, or what kinda advice would be good for me. The advice I've gotten about pills & therapy, I don't believe in that stuff. I believe in psychedelic therapy, and weird things like that, which have actually worked for me.