It is humiliating. You are victimized not a victim. You have been assaulted not just physically or verbally or emotionally by her but also humiliated in society. It is okay to seek out help. Look there are two things that are going on here. 1. You are the type of man that does not expect or did not expect her to be aggressive with you. This caught you by surprise. This catches Everyone by surprise male or female. In that surprised being that you were a man and probably and being told you do not hit a woman you backed off you you took it in you internalised it and you said to yourself unless how am I how deserve this. 2. Society has told you that you are not allowed to be stronger greater bigger than women. That this is a bad thing. This is an absolute truth. You are stronger greater bigger than women. So you have maybe Incorporated some shame in that like in order for you to not have some stigma as being chauvinistic you have accommodated Society at least from the perspective of feminism. Men and women are not equal men and women are not equal men and women are not equal ... Men and women are complements of one another