It is yourself; Part of yourself; Part of your emotion, even though it is also caused by a damaged and malfunction brain.

Think about it, what is the cause of your BPD? isn't you have experienced something that is trauma but also a trauma full of no sense. After this decade of trauma, your brain starts to causing you unintentionally doing a lot of self-destructive behaviors to get other people's attention. That is... because you have expressed a painful trauma of pain and loneliness. At the same time, you feel anxiety... and you also want love.

At the same time, people don't understand, even though the person who said "blanket". Whenever they see you try to do self-self-destructive behaviors, they do not feel the pain inside causing your behavior. That is why they said "blanket". Thus, you can not fight it because it is not "blanket". It is you. How can you still fine after all these traumas? I can not give your suggestion, but I suggest you find a way to live with your pain.