This post brought a smile to my face because I too believe that the more we share in safe non judgmental places the less darkness we feel inside. The sad part is that many don't speak up because they feel that their own person struggles are silly or not as extreme as another's. But I truly feel in my heart that it doesn't matter how big or small an issue is the pain and struggles are similar if not the same.

That been said I will give a sum of my own struggles. I was sexually abused at the age of 5 which I'm turn caused some depression a few there after. As I grew older I learned to mask what I felt and never told anyone. I again was sexually assaulted at the age of 14 which lead to a long decade of self destruction. I began drinking, smoking and having sexual relationships with various partners. At age 16 I attempted suicide for the first time. And while the attempt was intercepted I still tried while in the hospital by starving myself. I went two straight weeks without eating. As I passed through my late teens and early twenties I went without any form of treatment. As the years passed during that time I became a ticking time bomb. Each relationship I encountered was toxic and my self destruction increased. By the age of 25 I finally went for treatment at the demands of loved ones. I hadn't taken a single pill given to me until I decided I had had enough. I took 3 full bottles of pills which in turn landed me in the hospital yet again. After that point I kept going further down the rabbit hole. I began drinking every day and having sexual relations with a different partner every day. This too lead to my next and final attempt. After drinking a whole gallon of alcohol I slit my wrist. Because I was so far gone I by the grace of God cut the wrong way and survived to be here today. Although I did finally stop the drinking and risky encounters I still felt hopeless. During all the years I would use various forms of self harm to cope with the darkness. Even after the final attempt I regularly used this form of coping. By the age of 30 I finally took medication regularly but no matter how many pill they threw at me nothing helped. A few years later I picked up drinking again and stopped the medication. The drinking led to a drug addiction. The combination of the alcohol and the drugs landed me in a bar which I was kidnapped by a group of men who each raped me then left me stranded in another town. This caused me to get deeper in to the drugs. I went to the doctor to get medication for my ADD and Anxiety. That funded my addiction to heroine along with my pay checks. It was at this point that I ended up in jail for assault against a police officer. I got lucky and charges was drop. It was at this point that I got caught selling drugs and using. It was reported to child services. I was required to do out patient drug rehab in order to not lose my children. I failed terribly. I stayed high. My child's teacher was a pastors wife. She called me one day and invited me to a gathering. That was the last day I got high. I was taken to a tent and was given my deliverance. I became a born again Christian that day. And although the depression stayed and I lost my children I stayed in the mind set that with God I would be OK. In the few years of being clean I relapsed only once but it wasn't my drug of choice. Afterwards I felt terrible for being weak. It was at this point in my life having lost everything that I began to really try and heal. I visited my doctor on a regular basis. I have taken my medication each day as ordered. I removed all people from my life that were sketchy and I found a balance as well as peace. I still have bad days from time to time but I am able to control my thoughts better. I no longer use self harm as an escape. I push through each day now looking forward to the future. And although my life has not been wonderful I am able to accept my past because without it I wouldn't be who I am today. And while I was never able to get my children back they are still in my life daily and they give me hope. So there is my story. And here I am living proof that no matter what life throws our way it is only in our hands what we decide to do. We can either give up and be defeated or we can fight every single day to find our way to healing.