What few friends I do have are too busy to keep steady contact with me, lost a perfect relationship years ago (haven't been able to find another relationship), live in a shitty house with a roommate that looks and feels dirty no matter what I do that has multiple fire hazards and uneven floors, hard to sleep nowadays, feel drained from working 7 days a week, etc. At least I get paid decently for some happiness.

But when I'm around people I always try to appear welcoming and calm. I'm not the type of person to argue with someone or make someone feel bad no matter how shitty I feel. Hell, on the verge of tears just typing/thinking about this. Been suicidal before, and have strayed in that thought a few times these past few years. Feeling like I'm getting too old to enjoy what part of life I want to enjoy or entering a place where I'm too inexperienced/too innocent for relationships of my age (only 26).

Guess I went on a rant lol, had to get something off my chest ig. Everyone has their own troubles, and it's not always apparent. It's why I try to be friendly. Don't wanna add more towards someone else's suffering. Who knows how close someone is to committing suicide, and I don't wanna be the cause of that.