This is going to be extremely long, depressing af & might trigger people.
Background, I'm 37 & the past 2 years I've been talking to my grandfather (mother's dad). For 35 years this man has never been in my life, seen him MAYBE a handful of times growing up. No phone calls, no nothing. (same with my grandmother, but this is about him) He's 80 now, but all of a sudden at 78 he gets divorced from his third wife & I guess is bored, maybe having regrets. He starts calling me a few times a month to chat. He tells stories of his life. Last talk he was telling me about the planes, limos, fancy expensive cars, etc that he used to own. Wanted to add when I was little we lived in a tent on the lake for 7 months because we were that broke, but this mofo at the same time had not one but 2 planes. Like WTF?
On Thursday I took my mother to the CPA. She has to go to one who moved on the other side of Dallas. Which is 64 miles from my house. So a long ass drive. I said oh grandfather was telling me about how he & his friends used to pick up women with his limo & he flew them to different places. (he had his pilot license) and how shocked I was to learn how rich he used to be. He's still pretty up there, but apparently before the second divorce he was really getting up in the high millions.
Anyway, she said Oh yeah I kept y'all away from him & mother because they always favored her sister, my aunt, more than her. She told a story about how she didn't have a winter jacket and wanted this one that was $150 and he refused to buy it for her. But 2 days later her sister came home with almost $2k worth of clothes from a shopping trip with his credit card. When she raised a stink about it her mother beat her with a 2x2 stick. & more and more stories about how abusive they were to her, especially compared to her sister which was the golden child.
All of this I didn't know. I knew up until about 10 years ago she had very little to do with her parents, but I didn't know about all the abuse. She told about 10 different stories. Which ofc is sad. She went thru all that shit as a child & teenager until she moved out at 17 & never looked back. But the entire time I couldn't feel sorry for her. Why? Because she turned around and did the SAME SHIT! She favored my brother WAY more than me. She took him everywhere with her, even to work. She left me at home with her child molesting boyfriends & their friends starting at the age of 4(that I know of). The year the first playstation came out. She got my brother a one and a few video games for christmas. What did she get me? A stuffed pig & a throw blanket.
Playstation 3 came out. She got him a ps3, games, extra controller, & mic. All I wanted was a cd player for my car (that I had to buy myself, even tho my brother got a new truck). What did I get that year? A suite case set... so that if I wanted to move out I had the luggage to do so. Which I did 3 months later.
When I was 7, my brother was 9, it was my turn to vacuum. I was just vacuuming the living room and all of a sudden she comes over starts beating the shit out of me with her leather belt that had pointy stainless steel studs all over it. Yelling at me not to vacuum over the cord because I'll ruin the vacuum and she wasn't made of money to buy a new one. I'd say 75% or more of my neck, back, legs, arms was black, blue, and purple with giant welps. Good thing it was summer time because I couldn't even sit down or lay on my back for weeks.
Jump about 2 weeks later and it's my brothers turn to vacuum. My mother is gone grocery shopping. And my brother starts vacuuming over the cord, over and over again, laughing and mocking me about it. I start screaming at him to stop it. That's when husband #4 comes in and sees him doing it. So fair is fair (kinda) and he gives him 15 over the underwear spankings on his butt with his hand. Few minutes later mother walks in, sees him crying, and asks why he was crying. He told her that I told #4 he vacuumed over the cord to get him in trouble. Even with me & #4 both telling her the truth, what does she do?
She goes and gets the belt and starts beating the shit out of me again for being a tattle tale, purposely getting him in trouble, trying to get revenge, etc. I have dozens and dozens of these types of stories. So all I could think was, you knew how it felt, you went through the same thing, how the fuck could you do that to your own daughter too. And her excuse, my grandfathers excuse, my step grandmothers excuse, all their excuses where we were raised this way, they learned it from their parents, it's all we knew, and so on.
That's exactly what it is, a fucking excuse because my son is 21 and I have NEVER spanked him, never beat him, never shook him, never said mean things to him, never called him names like an ungrateful coldhearted bitch of a daughter (my moms favorite thing to call me since at least 5 years old), and I rarely even raised my voice at him. This whole that's the way I was raised, that's all I knew growing up, and whatever other stupid saying people say to try to justify hatefulness is total bullshit.
Back on point to this thread my great grandparents were republicans, my grandparents are republican, my mother is republican, and I'm first gen and only person in my entire family that I know of to vote Dem. My son is left leaning, votes dem. But talking with these people, they agree with left leaning things. But they just can't seem to make the switch. Few weeks back I was telling my mother about all the crap DeSantis has been doing. Her words were, "but Daddy's been talking him up & said we all need to vote for him to be president." Daddy says this, mommy says that, but I've been a republican for 59 years and even tho I want all these things that the Dems keep saying they'll do, I refuse to vote for them because I'm republican, because I was raised republican and can't think past what mommy and daddy told me. /s
I just.. it makes no sense. The old I had to suffer so you have to suffer is crazy to me. I don't know how any parent cannot want better for their child. Not just personal, be a better non-abusive parent, but politics to. How could you not want your daughter to be able to have an abortion if she needs one? How could you not want your kids to be able to afford to go to college, a home, and just be to live? Be able to go to a doctor without fear of being homeless. I worked 80 hours a week and 3 jobs to make ends meat... okay and? So each generation for years to come should have to do the same thing? I don't get how people don't want to work to make it better for the next generation.
Many will ask why are you even still in contact with her. Because after 16 years of going pretty much no contact, my grandmother called me wanting my help because she fell and broke her ribs. Mainly the offer she gave me was too good to pass up. My mother was living with her. So I helped my grandmother and rarely talked with my mother. Then one day my mother started her shit. I guess she didn't realize I was a grown ass woman and I let loose on her. Since that day she goes out of her way to be extremely respectful and kind. On the rare occasion that she does try to start anything I just say I'm not dealing with your shit. Then I either hang up or leave if it's in person. That and it's still pretty low contact, maybe a visit & a few phone calls every couple months. Even tho she's living in a mobile home on the back of my property.