Again, sorry for putting another brick in The Wall of text...

Yes! This! As you may understand I am quite moody, and my feelings change like the weather. There are good days, and there are bad days.

Sometimes I feel like the lowest of the low scums of the earth, the next day I can feel like the king of the fucking world. This way thinking does give some perspective, though. Hope is definatly important. But it always has balanced with the now, since it's in the now the future and past are made! I can't forsake the now for the future, since it paradoxally makes the future insignificant.

I often think of the amazing things I've experienced just because I've had hope and the bravery to do some small desicions that seemed insignificant at the time, but changed the direction of my life and particular events that have since then become fond memories.

Often these situations and experiences are things that I never could have even imagined before they actually happened. That gives me hope. It's very relatable to the story of the man digging the tunnel.

I remember, my absolute darkest moment, a long time ago - on a balcony in Spain 5 a.m. , heartbroken from a pasionate love affair gone wrong. It was a moment where I was seriously contemplated jumping to my death, on a whim, because of my extreme temporary sadness. I realized that I never ever could have imagined myself in this absurd, and somehow beautiful situation, just a few months prior. If I'd jump there were so many future experiences I would throw away in favor of the ultimate mystery - death. That was a risk I was not ready to take. Death will be experienced sooner or later anyway.

So, I chose life, and promised myself to always remember that moment in the darkest of times. You have to keep digging that tunnel towards happiness, tomorrow might just be the day when you figure it out and the taps start on flowing. They might dry up, but that's the thing - you have to keep diging.

Hapiness is a process, not a constant state of being. It goes up and down, and round and round, that's an important realization.

So, I will try to stress out a bit less and go with the flow- and I can't expect to be super-happy ALL OF THE TIME. The important things is to have hope, and just keep on digging....! :)