I've been there. I hated myself so much. I hated how I pushed people I loved and cared away because I couldn't deal with being loved. It's so burdensome when you feel like you can't be enough to people who love you. I guess the first thing that helped me is taking some time to find myself. It sounds vague, I know. I basically had no one to talk to so I kind of let my feelings out on my own. I realized that I am not cruel, I'm not a piece of shit, and that I have a lot of love to give to the world. When you realize that, it's pretty easy to break down the walls and reach out to people.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'm not that old, actually just one year apart from you. Maybe I'll give you shitty advice but I could try.