How do I fix this

I have read your other comment, and I just want to make sure that I am understanding correctly. You are married, although not necessarily in the happiest of marriages,

Therein lies the rub. My wife and I love each other very, very deeply. However, she hates my family, starting with how our marriage took place and has cut off all ties with them, slowly forcing me to do the same. However, I am a US immigrant from a country that greatly values family ties. On top of it, my parents depend on me. My wife and I were from extremely different backgrounds and she could not mesh with my friends so I left them behind as well.

My social awkwardness is of the nature of not being a person who commands people's attention, something my wife craves in me. On top of that, I am susceptible to small social faux pas, like blurting out the wrong thing in conversations. Example, I asked a cousin after the health of an uncle, not remembering he had passed away the previous year. Another example, I joked about having gained some pounds between my engagement and marriage so I could get a bigger engagement ring. The weight gain was only about 5 lbs and the joke was with my prospective FIL whom I had a very easygoing and great relation but to my wife it was a slap in the face.

When she is angry, she is prone to say hurtful things meant to stab in the heart. I have endured everything from being called a pauper, an embarrassment to her family to even having incestuous relations with my family because that of course will hurt the most. I too am no saint and when angry, point out that being a stay at home Mom works out quite well for her. On the balance though, my social awkwardness and her social poise means I come out the worst to the casual eye because I am the one who does not speak to people, call them up or socialize.

Barring those scattered incidents over a 1.5 decades long marriage, we have a very loving and warm marriage. My wife genuinely loves me and thinks those throwaway statements said in anger will not stay on. Socially, she is amazing and takes care of the kids and me like only a a loving wife and mother can. When my children or I fall sick, she nurses us back to health, cooks for me and makes sure I eat healthy, remembers all our friends important dates and so on.

Flip side, my day is arranged around her priorities, rather than the other way around. My children have no playdates because she does not want anyone coming to our house nor does she make time to take them anywhere. Other parents picking them up and dropping them off is fine. We don't invite anyone home because we can't afford a maid and my cleaning is not good enough.

Two things have compounded. One, I had to shut down my small but growing business because she wanted assets in her name only because she was worried that I would send money to my parents in their hour of need and not leave anything for the children. That crushed my spirits because it was a lifelong dream. I took up a deadend job that I totally hated and detested and managed to last 8 yrs but it is all coming to a head now.

The straw on the camel's back was last year's New Year party. We were enjoying with close friends, singing, dancing and I had one shot too much of tequila. I passed off on the sofa, don't remember the hight and in the morning, threw up in my friends living room trying to prevent myself from choking. My friends laughed it off because they had never seen me drink but my wife went into a full on rage at home, tearing my clothes and telling me that I got so drunk I made inappropriate comments to all the ladies there and we can never show our face to them again. I apologized to everyone and remain too embarrassed to talk to them

More than a year has passed and our female friends from that party still tell their husbands to be perfect gentlemen like I was even when drunk at that party. They said they could not believe that I was so nice and gentlemanly under the influence of alcohol. Turns out, my wife had just lied to me to make her point. I also turned up other evidence of similar lies just for her to get an upper hand.

I am no saint and have secret embarrassments of my own but none that have been kept from my SO and never once in our marriage did I lie, even about the smallest things.

Here I am, someone who clawed his way out of the gutter and on to a wonderful live with stars in his eyes, sitting in middle age at a job he hates and will lose for certain, a wife whom he can no longer trust and a life that is devoid of friends and family. I can only be a burden on my children if I linger on with mental health issues.

What's the point? I am completely crushed. Here is the only person I ever loved and trusted and the only person who stabbed me in the heart, while looking me in the eye.

/r/depression Thread Parent