Well I know at the very least I am at least fairly decent looking since people have complimented my looks. However my sister models so that makes me self conscious. I kind of figure if she can model why can't I? However despite that complex I excel in school one of the only things that actually drives me in life. I've maintained a 4.0 gpa in college for the past two quarters straight. My sister didn't have as high grades as me in college so at least academically I do better than she does. My only hope is maintaining high grades as I will have a good shot at a good career after university. It isn't a guarantee but I think it is better for me to work hard than not try. Still sometimes I question why I try so hard. Ironically of all the kids in my family I was usually the best behaved, and I have a kind of boy next door vibe. People usually tell me I seem like a "nice guy" but I feel as if that is coded to mean that I am a pushover. Still if people think I am a cute "nice guy" I might as well use that perception to my advantage. Irl I think people would be surprised I am on this sub because I seem like a level headed happy go lucky guy but I think like a lot of users on this sub I have a lot of internal issues from home/society. If I complained no one would care to listen to me or care. I did that when I was depressed, and received no help. So I figure I am left to fend on my own. I try to be understanding of other people who are depressed because I know how isolating it can be. When I've been depressed no one really assumes I am depressed. I am not much of a crier, nor am I obvious with my emotions so people can't really tell that I am depressed. I just have to pretend to be happy so people don't make any judgments about me. This mentality is also why my political views have shifted more to the right. I prefer the message of fiscal conservativeness and self sufficiency because I think people are just left on their own in this world.