might delete later but im having another depressive episode so what the hell.

yes. a million times yes. my autism has caused much secondary issues like stress, depression and anxiety. i feel like i always have to mask, and its just a matter of time before someone (new boss/colleague/friend) sees that i am really just a weird eccentric freak.

I've been ostracised my entire life at school/office without understanding why. i couldnt fit and abide by workplace politics despite stellar grades and capabilities. i was able to get into one of the top firms in the world for marketing but i couldnt fit in, i couldnt handle the tasks/stress nor the people.

i hated myself my whole life and contemplated suicide. my last corporate job led me into such a spiral i was catatonic for some time.. it led me to seek help and the diagnosis was the truest lightbulb moment of my life.

i feel my autism has held me back from so much of my true potential. it doesnt feel like a super-power but a curse. i worry abt having children because of autism. i fear the comorbidities - cognitive impairment in some severe cases, or even if i have a child who is "cognitively normal", s/he will have to deal with the loneliness!l/bullying/self-doubts. i cannot bear to put my child through that.