If you've been a jealous boyfriend, how did you overcome it?

People today are different from my parents day, it's been a struggle. I'm not talking about people checking out your woman or chatting her up, that's normal. I'm talking about these "friend-dates." I've known girls with boyfriends who will go out one on one with a guy friend to dinner, drinks, and dancing or a movie and go nuclear when the bf said he didn't like it. "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHO I CAN HANG OUT WITH/YOU DONT TRUST ME/GIRLS CAN HAVE GUY FRIENDS/ETC." The only time this ever came up was in a previous relationship and my gf said she was playing a game on a freshman girl she was mentoring, pretending there was a possible romantic spark or tension between her and a male friend because she wanted to see "how far she'd go to try to get us together!" I said "Okay, but what about the guy, he's after that one girl, what if she finds out and thinks this game is real?" She said "Oh he got turned down by her and another girl, he's super depressed right now, we've been talking all weekend and I'm taking him out to the bar for some drinks and to talk about it!" Oh she turned into a militant civil rights protestor when I said that wasn't cool. "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CONTROL ME! WHAT'S WRONG WITH A BAR AT NIGHT, IT'S A PUBLIC PLACE!" I told her I'm not trying to control anyone, I just won't be with someone who disrespects me like that. "Honey, we can't go out Saturday because this female classmate I've been texting all weekend just got dumped so I'm taking her out to drinks. Oh and I'm giving people the impression that we have chemistry. But don't worry, we'll be in public!" How does that sound coming from a guy? My parents have been together 30+ years, love each other to death, but if either one did what my gf was doing, that would be it. No words, no argument, done, bye Felicia. Because "you don't do that shit when you're with someone you love." And I don't. I would never even consider doing what she wanted to do out of respect for her and the relationship, friends be damned.. Yeah it's old fashioned but in the old days the divorce rate wasn't 2/3.

Given the times though, my experience with her and another chick who fully "loved" her bf but cheated constantly and a few other experiences, I've realized that people will do EXACTLY what they want, when they want with total disregard of you or the relationship. Anything you say can and will be used against you so there's no point fighting it, you will be the controlling bad guy. So my policy is they set the boundaries and she will be taken seriously on the basis of those boundaries. "Just so you know I still talk and hang out with my ex" is now met with "Great, so do I!" You'd be surprised at how quickly they do a 180 on the platonic friend soapbox when they're met with that. I learned this from a friend, his gf got invited on a dinner/movie outing on a Saturday night. His response was that was cool, and that since she'd be busy he'd go hiking with an attractive female coworker that day. Well she didn't like that and she was home all Saturday night to tell him so. He never told her what to do, he never exerted any control, all he did was demonstrate what happens when you start to peek open Pandora's box and once she started feeling how he felt. she closed the box.

/r/AskMen Thread