Jfc that’s awful of him. I’m so sorry. My motivation is that I know I can be happy a lot, even if sometimes I feel bad (i barely ever get suicidal tho these days tbh). I look forward to loving time with my boyfriend, my future looks bright, etc.

My motivation to keep trying w/the bpd (i.e. keep trying to change my toxic behaviors and unhealthy habits) is that I really don’t want to let this stupid disorder ruin my life. I need to really control myself to stay w/my boyfriend because he doesn’t tolerate it but that’s actually good b/c it’s forcing me to practice extra hard and I’m doing really well. So, I want to keep trying so we can have a happy healthy relationship together. I also want to be able to have a happy life. And I’m feeling motivated because I’ve realized I really have come a long way and genuinely changed a lot of my old toxic habits and bpd symptoms. I’m barely bpd these days and that’s great motivation for me. It’s been 4 years since I started treatment and that was at age 16 so I’ve told myself that if it took 16 years to get those habits entrenched then I should give myself another 16 years before I give up and claim I’ll never be able to change. I was really struggling last year w/this. Now I’m a lot better and feeling hopefully. I still make mistakes and get really hard on myself but I’m also trying and I am just going to keep trying really really hard.