You sound a lot like me, especially when my depression escalates/cycles. I was diagnosed at 8yr old. Even with medication I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced pure joy or happiness. Through therapy, reading, and silently observing the world around me, I’ve come to the conclusion that my baseline is just more sober and introverted than most others. And, that’s okay. That acceptance alone has brought me so much peace.

You mentioned previous negative responses from both family and professionals. I’m truly sorry they let you down. I’m here to assure you it’s totally reasonable to expect that expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs be met without judgement. That is a “them” problem.

If you’re up to it, maybe reach out to a new therapist to help you sort out these feelings. You deserve peace too.

Also, the fact that you chose to marry makes me think you do have a need for human interaction.