I hear you... After 28 years of on and off depression (mostly on since I was a teen) I'm very desperate too. I've tried:
And probably things I'm forgetting. For the past...couple of years now I think, I've started to think that my situation is terminal. I've gone to bed MANY times wishing I wouldn't wake up. It's hard to see a future when so much of the past has been pain.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. I looked at therapy again, but options are limited where I am, and the ones I did find were 45 minutes away and $125/hr. I just can't justify spending $500/mo for four hours of therapy and to be honest, after so many years of therapy I'm sick of it.
What do you do when it feels like a chronic, terminal disease?
Good question. For me, keep on keepin' on I guess. Eating, drinking beer daily, and just trying to inch along I guess. I still take aminos and once in a while feel somewhat OK. I go for drives and walk when it's nice out. I work on cool shit if I can which takes my mind of things (today has been bad though). But at this point I just can't see much of a future for me. My lifestyle will catch up to me eventually anyway and probably sooner than later.