Our first daughter was 27 weeks, 2-1/2 pounds. She died 3 days after being born. The NICU staff warned us about the "honeymoon" period, where they seem to be doing well the first 72 hours, but then nosedive. That happened.

I remember seeing the doctor's face drop when she saw my wife's dilation when we being triaged. I remember seeing our daughter come out this reddish color because she was so early, but feeling relieved hearing her cry. I remember feeding her colostrum on a foam q-tip. I remember cradling her and talking to her. I remember the nurses coming to get us in the middle of the night because she was crashing. I remember her being put on a ventilator, blood on her bassinet sheets, and my legs shaking because I knew she was dying. I remember the moment we gave up, and held her and said goodbye. I remember my wife crying then, and days and weeks later because her body didn't know her baby died.

This was 8 years ago and I remember all that vividly so much that it makes me feel like crying now as I write this. I fucking hate seeing posts like yours. It makes me remember, and then I feel shitty for the rest of the day.

I don't know if you'll get past it. We did, but with a lot of baggage. It didn't break us up. We had two [living] children afterwards; they were both premature as well, but are evidently healthy enough now to be annoying on a daily basis. We did have a miscarriage in between. If you decided to have kids after this, this will forever color any future pregnancy experience.

Go get therapy when you are able. Go together with your wife, if possible. Get prescribed some anti-depressants for a while, if you think it will help. Don't try to piece together some sort of why/what-ifs/how scenarios. You'll run yourself ragged doing that.

Remember also, this is your pain. Don't let others tell you how you should feel. Don't feel like a bad person if you are having an "up" day, and your wife/partner isn't. My experience isn't a template for your own. That's fine. It sucks, and I'm sorry for you guys.