Actually, the first time, someone did sorta force me.
Well that's a shitty story but let's be honest - he didn't force you to take the newer car. He made an offer and you chose to accept it. Everything that followed was shitty for sure but you accepted the deal.
Did he take advantage of your lack of wisdom? YES! Did you deserve that? NO! Did you learn from it? I think you did. I'll be if someone tried to pitch that deal to you today you would laugh your fucking ass off in the person's face for thinking that you were stupid enough to NOT see through their scam. But that wisdom came with pain but it'll help you see bad deals in the future if you let it.
The second one that I'm currently in is my fault.
Sorry it's not...it's still your fault. Why? Because in the years since that shitty first deal you never took the time to educate yourself on how loans work and personal finance. You also trusted your wife to make the smart decision for you but this is still YOU making a choice to NOT take responsibility for where your life has ended up.
If you continue to refuse to educate yourself and refuse to make these choices for yourself you'll continue to end up with shitty decisions that you have to work your way out of.
And please know, I'm not trying to be a dick.
I've made more shitty decisions in my early life than many and I finally got sick and tired of other people telling me to "trust them" or "believe me this will be a good deal" when I knew deep down, something didn't seem right. When I have that feeling now, I listen to myself only and I don't allow people to manipulate me and talk me into doing things for them that are bad deals.
But you're not talking about car loans. You're talking big picture.
Well car loans offer a specific example into your life but you're right...there are deeper lessons at play here also. But they begin with simple things like car loans.
But I never did. Someone had to keep their cool.
Ok cool - your situation sounds a lot like mine actually.
What I learned is all I did was stuff it and it all came out ugly later. Fuck that shit now I don't stuff.
You see, everyone around me is allowed to give into their emotions, but I'm not. Because we need at least one person who isn't a nutcase. And I'm the only one who can do it.
I feel ya man - I'm not trying to suggest that making changes like I'm describing will be easy. Life is difficult and when you add family drama on top of all that, then yeah buying a new car sounds awesome because fuck it. At least you'll have a kick ass car in the midst of all that fucking shit.
I get it....I really do. But I can also assure you that no amount stuff will make you feel better than when you're truly free financially.
When all your debts are paid off and you have a savings account and money in it for emergencies.
So here I am trying to be everyone's rock. At my mom's funeral gathering, brothers, sisters and so on all came together, now as adults. They all started fighting like children. I was the only one who kept my cool. Because someone had to. It's my mom's funeral. I'm emotional and weak too, but I have to hide it because if I let it out, the situation will just escalate further and my mom's funeral will become about how much we hate each other, rather than about remembering our mom. So I hold in my feelings and calm everyone down and we end up having a nice time. Because of me.
Yeah man, tough shit right there....no doubts bro.
I used to use meth to overcome my sadness and frustration. But I quit using like 3 years ago and I don't know how to cope with life. I just can't handle it.
GREAT! That's fucking awesome man! congrats....seriously!
My job is cool. I like my job. My dog and cat are cool. And I like that I drive a car that isn't constantly on the verge of breaking down. Wayyyyy cooler than the $500 craigslist specials I used to buy. And I'm not always broke anymore. Like, if I feel like buying a new controller for my PC for $20 I can do that. Or if I wanna grab Panda Express for dinner, I don't need to plan ahead for that. My life wasn't always this way. I remember being always broke, always one sickness/one car breakdown/one broken fridge/one small event away from being homeless. I'm not like that now. I take vacations (just went to Disneyland for the first time), I buy stuff, I'm saving for retirement, I have an okay house, a good job that I like and a decent car. My life doesn't suck at all.
Awesome.
But every fiber of my being wants to change things up. I don't know why, but I want to just leave all this behind and start a life somewhere else where no one knows me.
Ok - I think you can see now, it really is just a choice on your part. It may also be a timing thing. Like you can't leave to pursue that other life till you pay other shit off.
I once wanted to buy a brand new Harley Davidson motorcycle off the showroom floor. I rode other cycles and saved my money. Paid off fucking shitty debts that were dragging me down and then used that money to pay off other debts. Before too long I was out of debt.
Did I buy my brand new motorcycle then? NOPE
Why? Because I fucking HATE debt.
So I kept saving and saving and scraping together the money until I had something like $25,000 in my savings account. Then I started looking until I found the bike i wanted and I bought it. I financed it to get a better deal and it was 0% interest for first year then I paid it off right before the interest kicked in. FUCK YES!
So am I a victim? I don't know. I do feel like I'm a victim of circumstance. It's also a 100% guarantee that there isn't a loving god out there.
Well you're making better choices than you used to but yes, the previous statements were in the victim mindset. It's your choice to embrace that mindset or not. Stuff will happen that you can't control. No need to add to it by making shitty choices and failing to learn from past mistakes.
Trust your gut. Learn about personal finance (youtube and internet are amazing for this) and don't allow someone else to make decisions for you that aren't in line with what you want out of life.