I created this thread to hopefully give couples insight into how an in demand SM views their messages. This insight can be useful when developing a message inviting a SM for drinks and possible a MFM experience. These are my PERSONAL thoughts and can be used as a good initial starting point. Not all SMs are the same, so result may vary.
Successful SM here. A little background... I'm on SDC, in Florida, and desirable, so I'm fortunate that I field several offers a week from new and repeat couples. I don't suffer from the SM blues. This gives me the opportunity to share with you a variety of positive traits found in messages that successful couples use when they reach out to a me for the first time.
Remember these are not set in stone rules, just MY opinion as general rules.
Communication is huge for me. It tells me a lot about the couple, their level of interest, and how they view SMs. Some of the things that impress me and stimulates a strong desire within myself to meet a couple are as follows:
Have a detailed and completed profile listing your likes/dislikes/boundaries/ground rules on one (or more) PAID swinger websites. I dislike having to ask questions that your profile should already have explained. Know the difference between MMF and MFM. You'd be surprised how many newbies think they're the same. If kissing isn't available then please make that VERY clear, most swingers find it to be deal breaker.
Have a variety of clear and recent photos. Some of the photos should have you both 'together' in them. This helps to reassure me that you're not a gay SM pretending to be a couple to gain access to my naked photos. Having at least a couple nude or sex photos tells me your account is most likely real and that your wife is happy to be in the LS. It's fine if you want to keep the nudes/sex photos in a private folder and away from the rest of the community. Blurring faces or cropping heads on nudes is also acceptable.
When you message me for the first time, casually listing a few details about what you're looking for and a few things your wife likes about my profile gives me an idea of where on the freaky scale you reside. As a SM I'm wondering if you're looking for great, but normal, MFM sex or you want to be treated like a shackled dog and gang fucked with a bukkake rape fetish ending. I'm not interested in the latter and I don't enjoy surprises from strangers.
It may sound ridiculous, but you would be surprised at how many couples contact me and don't share their names. I don't care about your names. Hell make up names if privacy is that important to you, but sign the messages in some sort of identifying manner. When I receive a flirty message complimenting my body and telling me what sexy acts the person wants to do to me -- I seriously hope that it's coming from the female half of the couple. Don't make me wonder. This is critical for me because I don't play with couples with bi/closet case husbands. *No offense to those that are or do, it's just not my thing. Notice how many couples have Bi women? Well law of averages states there has to be a similar number of Bi husbands out there.
With all the shades of gray between straight and gay please let me know where you stand. On my profile I list my sexuality as 100% straight. Using the word 'curious' is a big red flag and has a high likelihood of having Bi/gay connotations. To me 'curious' doesn't talk about your curiosity to try sex with other people. To me it says you're probably Bi-curious. Proofread your profile and appropriately explain your use of the word.
Dinner would be awkward, so I prefer to test the chemistry and introduce myself over 'drinks' in an upscale public bar. This also gives me a chance to dress up and look my best, chat, get to know each other, test attraction, flirt, and build sexual tension. This works in both our favors because it gives either of us an easy escape route if we're not a match.
While not required to be in the initial message, discussing photos and videos beforehand are essential. It's also polite to share 'all' recorded material with all the participants. If you're not going to share with me, I'm NOT interested in having you take photos/videos of me. It's one of my rules. Ask if I don't want my face to be seen by the camera and respect my wishes.
You're the husband/BF so you choose the evening, the location, the SM, and a host of other details, but don't try to direct me. Behaving as if I were a marionette is degrading, but above all -- boring. Also allowing me the time to start with your wife, before you get involved, is a wonderful thing. This is for her right? Doing this simple act reminds her it's about HER, not you. There's no need to rush in, don't worry you're not going to miss out on anything. She'll probably outlast us both.
I'm not Domino's Pizza. I don't have a guarantee to be to your door in 30 minutes or less. I'm a professional with an active career, social calendar, and rest cycle. I don't live the LS 24 hours a day. Planning ahead of time gives me an opportunity to pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners, get a haircut, manscape, and iron out any last minute details. This level of consideration goes a long way towards ensuring the best possible experience for both of us.
I'm sure you all have your own suggestions and I'd love to read them. So feel free to add yours in the comment section below. Please keep things positive and I would appreciate it if you refrain from SM bashing in my thread.
Happy Swinging, S.C.