As someone who is been in a long term relationship that was very one-sided, I feel your pain. Immensely. It's very hard to see everything for what it is when you're in it... and I think that some of your typing ('his plans') really should speak to you. Doing a lot of housework really doesn't make up for the rest of the glaring differences I see here... the commute, the you giving up a dream job so he can stay in his meh job, the disagreement or indifference to children, the inability to even be engaged after that amount of time... I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. A relationship like you stated is about compromise... of which he is doing none. You've been very forthcoming about your expectations, and he just straight doesn't give a shit. Do you want to have a life with a partner who respects you and your time, and your needs, or one who just build his own life and you're along for the ride as a spectator?

I had to end a previous relationship when it was clear I was being taken advantage of and I just wasn't a priority. It doesn't seem like you are, and you have to think long and hard about what you can and can't let go. Will he be able to pitch in for a toddler if he can't even handle pets? Or your own needs? It's just you guys right now, and it sounds like it's The Boyfriend Show. Will you be happy putting your career on hold indefinitely only to find out he doesn't want kids at all? Are you prepared to wait 4 or 5 more years for him to decide to even commit to being engaged?

Don't let the time you have put in really have any place in your decision either, because what's done is done and you can't change it, but it doesn't mean you have to continue to be somewhere you're not or be in a place you will never be happy with. Internet hugs.