Your wife uses her aggression as a weapon. Either to get what she wants, to retaliate, or to control the situation. Like waking you up, then guilting you, then rebounding the suggestion that you are the abusive one. She might genuinely feel hurt and frustrated, but isn't handling it reasonably. You two will be yohr child's example of love and relationships, I can understand your reservations.

I think couple's counseling would be good here, if this is going to be salvaged at all. The fact that you two are texting over such a sensitive issue, to me ia proof that you have a lot of improvement that could be made in the communication department. I dunno, maybe the trouble with communication is due to her personality and such.

What's weird is... she seems stressed out about getting pregnant. Stress which leads to resentment, and stress which makes it more difficult to get pregnant too. Maybe she should relax. But she's classically been am aggressive person... even if you always slept in a different bed, which I think is a good idea, there would still be a lot of other issues to address. Do you think she would be open to that?

About her behavior - you should check out a book called In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K Simon. He's a clinical psychologist and it's a well written book, for everyday people and professionals alike. I think if you read through that, you'll understand, with conviction, if ahe is as controlling and aa abusive as you fear she is. She may be. The book also gives you ideas on how to confront and deal with said aggressive and controlling behavior, so you may more effectively make a stand against being treated the way you are.