I would want to cry too if that was my apartment. It looks like you've never had someone who loves you there, and that's probably because no one does or has ever loved you, and that's probably because you are just unlovable, and that's probably how you're going to be and feel until you die, and the only thing that will ever change is you will feel more and more isolated and aware of how lonely you are. When you finally choke to death on whatever tv dinner you prepared in your microwave that day, you'll struggle for your life because it sucks to have no one love you ever and if you live maybe someone would. But you'll fail, die alone in great mental pain and no one will notice for weeks. And all your other possible futures are even worse than that.