To my darling wife of 16 years

I had a similar situation occur. My wife and I have been together for 20 years, we have two boys 6/8. Around this time last year, I felt my wife was getting too close to a co-worker "Guy".

On one evening, she made a comment about "Guy", the new IT guy. I didn't think much of it, since she has mentioned other male co-workers before, and she's always kept things professional. A few months go by, and Guy came up again, but this time it felt different. I asked what was going on, that something seemed different, and her response was that Guy was a friend and that it nice to have someone in the office around her age to talk with. She works in government, and most of her other co-workers are 20+ years older than her (she was 36 at the time), but that it was just friendly office banter.

A few weeks later she mentioned that on Saturday, she'd be volunteering at the Habitat for Humanity home that was being sponsored by her employer. At first, I didn't think much of it, since she's volunteered for other homes a few times in the past, but I thought to ask if Guy was going to be there. She said, "Yes, but so is everyone else". In her defense, there were a dozen or so other co-workers there too (I didn't go but saw pics), so I wasn't too worried about that particular day, but told her that it felt to me like she needed set boundaries with him. To let him know she's not interested beyond friendship (friendzone him). After a bit of probing from that conversation, she let on that he'd been flirting with her. My immediate response to that was that I was right to be suspicious, and, that she should stop participating in the flirting, however innocent it might seem or it was going to give him the wrong idea.

I had to be in Puerto Rico on business the next day, so I left that evening...

What happened next is a bit ... disjointed.

My sister offered to watch the boys so my wife could finish up Christmas shopping.

Wife left, did some shopping, and realized she left some things at her office. She stops for coffee on the way, and calls ahead to see if anyone was in the office (she usually brings coffee to her boss) and Guy answers. She agrees to bring him coffee and heads out. She arrives at her office, grabs her things and drops off the coffee with him on her way out, and briefly stops and comments that they're making arrangements for the Christmas parade in the parking lot. So they walk over to a training room that overlooks the parking lot to view the floats. There is a bit more conversation about things, she drops some of the items she's carrying, and leans in toward him to pick them up. While bent over, he grabs her and forces her to the floor.

He pulls up her shirt and bra while groping her, then attempts to get her pants off. All the while, suggesting that she wanted this, and it's a good thing. He then tries to force her to grab his jiggly bits, while removing his own clothing.

She said she immediately tried to get him off, but he was bigger than her (she's 5'9" 120lbs) but after being unsuccessful at doing so started to squirm. When he tried to get her pants off, she had enough space to get away. She fled to her office, and shaking and crying. He came in and was like, "Yeah, we can just pretend this didn't happen, right?" She made a joking comment about me being big, to which he was responded, "Great, what did I get myself into."

I had a late flight out from Puerto Rico that night, and called her from the airport. I could tell something was wrong but she did an expert job hiding it. When I arrived home, she was in bed, which was abnormal since it was so late. She about had a nervous break down telling me what happened. I immediately flipped the fuck out. I texted my sister, not mentioning anything to my wife -- because I suspicious of why she elected to have her watch the kids, which is very rare. My sister offered.

We talked about things, we laughed we cried. I wanted her to press charges for attempted rape / sexual assault. She wanted to if I wanted her to, but has always had an irrational fear of police, so was really scared. She feared she'd be fired since it happened at her job, and felt responsible for leading him on by flirting back. Thinking that it was innocent and was leading nowhere, yet kept blaming herself. She finally cried herself to sleep, but we agreed that she'd deal with it at work, though her boss. I agreed.

The next morning we went about our routines, I dropped the kids at school, she headed to work. I also headed to her work, which she didn't expect. I wanted to make sure she did something substantive! There was no way in my mind that she should let him do that to her, then do nothing. Once I showed up, she was surprised, and said she already spoke with her boss, and was about to to into his office for a meeting. Once she left, I was alone in her office with steam coming from my ears. I did the one thing she asked me not to do, and charged down to the IT office, and interrupted a staff meeting to call him into the hallway so we could talk about a "serious matter". When I asked him, "What the fuck happened yesterday with my wife?", his face went white. I told him to come with me to my wife's boss' office so we could talk. He immediately lunged at me, which in hind sight was because he was trying to dodge around me, but I grabbed him and threw him against the wall, then shoved him to the ground. When he was on the ground, one of his co-workers came around the corner, and yelled something like, "He's trying to kill Guy!" Next thing I know, there's 8 people rushing to his defense, and the cops were called. I waited calmly for them to arrive, and made it known what happened. The police took his statement and my wife's statement, then shuttled me away since that fuck wad pressed charges against me for battery.

While sitting in my group cell with drug dealers and users - they were all literally in for some kind of drug charge. One of them offered to fuck this dude up when he shows up, since she's pressing charges right? I really HOPED she would, but he never showed up. Despite what he did to her, and then pressed charges against me, she was still warped on what happened. She's a mess of fear, regret, and self blame, and even still after going to counseling for 9 months blames herself. She knows it was his choice to cross the line, but her fears outweigh what she sees as repercussions of court, her job etc.

The dude still works there. Because I showed up and made a scene, the HR department got involved. They have prohibited him from going near her office. It's not what I wanted, but it's all I got. FUCKER.

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