I'm in a similarly stupid situation yet kinda reversed, go figure. I was fine with the idea of having kids when I got with my husband and married (we got together at 18 and married 23, we are 30). I've always thought that's something I'd just want when I'm 30 or something. Now that I'm super stable and have my whole life mixed with my husband's, I realise that if I still don't want them "now" I probably never will. His dream is having kids and I've known that since the beginning. I've just always figured out I'd want them in my 30s, it never occurred that maybe I wouldn't. It's heart shattering because we have been together for 12 years and love each other but if I eventually decide I won't have them he'll leave and start again with a younger person who wants them. He's fine with me taking time to decide because he's male and having kids older is fine by him, but if I eventually stay childfree I know it's over.