My husband (31/m) of one year gets in my face (26/f) when we argue. Advice?

I disagree with the statement that she's "doing it to him"-- he is choosing to let her silent treatment get to him, and he is choosing to react physically by getting in her face. He can take a deep breath and stop yelling, because he does know that it's why she shuts down, as much as she can take a deep breath and announce that she needs a few minutes to cool off. They are two adults with two completely different, ineffective communication styles and neither of them is responsible for the other's reactions.

OP, both of you need to stop trying to take control of disagreements. It's not about winning, being right, or making your husband listen to you. If you fight, you both lose. You need to stop trying to control his behaviour with silent treatment. It is clearly not working.

You can't expect your husband to communicate with you if your go-to move is to stop communicating with him. You have every right to stand your ground in terms of self-respect, and how you will allow a loved one to talk to you, but you have to find a way to say and do this in the same manner you expect to be treated. Lead by example.

I've said this before on reddit, but when I'm facing relationship struggles, I adopt an attitude of, "You get what you give." I cannot expect my partner to try harder than I am currently trying myself, or am willing to try. If I want to see change then I need to practice change myself. Do I like it when my partner gets sarcastic when he's grumpy? No? Then I need to put forth the effort to speak kindly to him, regardless of whatever else is on my mind. I can't throw my purse on the island in the kitchen only to turn around and get mad that his jacket is hung over the couch. It works really, really well-- so long as you have a good partner.

I think you'd both benefit from seeing a counselor, at least at first, to help you both tune into each other's communication styles. Maybe try to approach things with the attitude I described above. See if he's willing to put in the effort together and go from there.

/r/relationships Thread