I used to have a partner who was very hurt and incredibly reserved about letting anyone in. A great healer - but not one to let herself get healed.

We talked about this a lot, in the beginning, and she really tried to just let me help and care without being afraid of it. She said she was scared and she wasn't used to someone wanting to care for her without expecting 'payment', but she tried to let me in. She did. It worked for a while.

Then she stopped. I'm not sure I will ever know why. She stopped letting me in. She seemed to believe - and never stopped believing - that because I did not share her pain the only explanation must be that secretly I mock and despise her for it. My attempts to help her with pain only seemed to make it worse. I suppose because I wanted to stay upbeat and pragmatic instead of joing/sharing the misery.

Much like OP, she promised that I would never again had to deal with the hardships of being alone and helpleas again. That under no circumstances, ever could it happen she would not be there if I needed her. And she truly, deeply believed it to true. So did I.

Then one day, not much later, she left. Never to come back. Never to look back. She found someone equally broken, which makes sharing and demanding easier, I imagine. Less hierarchical. Left me alone in this world. I can do it, but I really loved those years of thinking it was worth it putting yourself into the hands of others. But, no. Everyone is clueless, and to trust promises of neverending companionship is Lunacy. Those come easy when in love, then don't stand the test of routine.

So, yes. Fall in love. Find the one to tell you to never stop kissing your scars. But be prepared for them to walk away once these scares are closing up. And pray that they stay closed.