I lived a church. I can tell you the disciples of Christ that lived there were still or own to their own adovocacies. Gods comes in many different forms, sometimes it tests you, sometimes it makes deals,with you. Ultimately its up you.

Stop doing what you're doing and give your life to Christ. There are a lot,of things,that can help,people, AA, NA, GA, MA, doesn't matter. They help people. Try AA through church, most AA groups act through God in the sense theorb12 step program heals.

It may not work for you. Its not your fault. God gives his absolution to all. Apart of his absolution is you're asking for forgiveness. Not against him, but, his people. Give into him and thy brother. Give into those as you have give unto you. If the greatest message you can give thwm is Christ's love, and tb2ybreject it, so be it. But we must still forgive them.

In Gods eyes, no one is more exceptional. no one means more. We are all children of a loving God.