Thanks so much for your replies and feedback on this since you are going thru the same thing. I do agree that the imagining my wife with another man disgust me, which i know she had sexual partners before we met but thats different. As far as deeper issues on why it happend, im pretty sure im aware of that as at that time i cheated (like i said not always been the best husband) but i had come clean and admitted to what i did right away and when she went away to rehab i wasnt very supportive and didnt visit like i should have, so i would assume she met "him" and connected since they were going through the same thing, i would have went to rehab with her but as i mentioned i had some legal issues to deal with, so i went away to jail instead of going to rehab and then going to jail. As far as i know we are both aware of everything the both of us have done the 12 yrs we have been together, although what i have done out weighs what she has done a whole lot more. I guess maybe when i posted asking for advice i might have been over reacting a bit, because like i said i think i have already forgiven her for it because im not mad at her, it just really hit me hard the other night when i told her "look i know what happen when you were gone away i want to hear it come from your mouth" and when she said it the images of her with another man just started playing over and over in my head and just made me sick to my stomach, but that sick feeling is gone away but in the last 2 days i have still caught myself imagining her laying with another man and quickly snap out of it, but the sick feeling is no longer there. I honestly dont know what i would do without her and i love her so much, and if there were anymore issues i would hope that she would tell me and i would be willing to do whatever we both needed to do to get past then, but we have been really good for the 7 yrs since we both cheated. Personally i dont know anybody that has been together for 12 yrs and can still say that when they kiss their wife and she looks them in the eyes they still get that funny little feeling in their stomach (i guess butterflies) and she tells me she gets the same feeling, even when i just walk in tbe door from being at work all day and us being apart, she says when she hears me pulling into the driveway she just gets flooded with happiness and cant wait for me to walk through the door, and when i do she is there everyday to wrap her arms around me like she has not seen me in weeks, and kisses me (although i will only have been gone for 9-10 hours working). Hopefully everything will work out for you and your husband, i think marriage is a special thing and even when one person makes a mistake you should both do everything you can to make it right again, thanks again for the replies, it nice to speak with someone going though the same thing but on the opposite side of it.