Adovest, I am thinking of you at this time. From your history, you dont have anyone holding you back.. but that could also be for the best, because you can start a new journey. You need change, and that's fucking scary. Everyone around you has let you down, you have too, but that's okay, you can forgive, you have time to do so. Forgive yourself, you're not worthless, forgive thinking like that, you're you, and you might not be your cup of tea right now, nor someone else in your life, but you have another day tomorrow, one which you can decide what you want to do. Why not join something new instead? Why not break your downward cycle with something different. Take that literally and go for a cycle! You're looking at a very permanent end, when it might do best to end something smaller first - like not having someone you care for in your life. Try something first rather than nothing. There is still a lot to try, and if you feel tired, it's okay to rest. :)