So hear me out, I'm not a one-night stand kind of girl, so this was the first. And, as you'll understand, the last. This was a friend's coworker, but this guy and I were not friends. She set it up, and we'd only talked online once where he bragged about his dick. I had just gotten out of a breakup and needed to just... anyway. I had an ugly Christmas sweater party to go to right after this rendezvous so I got all dolled up and arrived at his place. Fast forward 5 minutes.

He takes off his pants. I almost laughed because I was expecting him to be well hung and was faced with reality, but I spared him the reaction. He pushed my shoulders down and I reached for a condom. I hate the taste of rubber but hell if I was going to be stupid about it. So I go to town... and keep going and going... jaw gets sore, lips are numb... finally he pulls away and (being used to my ex who is short lived) I expected him to be done, but no. He lays of the bed like a dead fish, refusing to do any work.

I wish it stopped there. I told him the positions I like (this was not one of them) but no. I went at it for so long... it was awful. We're about 30 minutes in now- I am dead serious- and he finally stands up. He tells me to blow him again. I begrudgingly obliged, hoping that if I pulled out some of my better mouth work, I could make him finish and get this nightmare over with. It worked, 10 minutes later, but here's the kicker: he pulls out of my mouth, rips off the condom, and finished. In. My. Hair.

I was so pissed. Not only did I have a party to go to after that but he didn't ask! This arrangement was meant to be a FWB, a regular thing. But when he tossed me a box of kleenex and told me I could see myself out, he sealed the deal. He even asked me over again, but I tossed that shit. He wasn't a player, just a disappointment.

TLDR: Jerk lied about his size, made me do all the work then came in my hair before a party. He had the nerve to ask me over again. Hard pass.