I'm really fucking sick of my appetite/hunger. It pisses me off that I'm always fucking hungry, even after losing all this weight. I have friends who have always been thin their whole lives and can go hours without eating. To them eating is just a burden. I hate that I look forward to eating. I hate that I'm born (?) with this constant urge to be obsessed with food. Why can't I be one of those fucking people who go through their day and have food as a simple afterthought? Why are some people seemingly naturally hungry while others don't really have much emotion towards food. I'm not one to blame genetics, but holy fuck it's frustrating knowing that this stupid fucking addiction to food is never ending. I thought a year ago that after losing weight, eating right, and becoming overall healthier I'd kick the addiction. The reality? I work my ass off in the gym, sleep plenty, eat decently, and have lost 50 fucking pounds (gained 10 recently un-fucking-surprisingly) and yet the addiction and craving for food as mechanism for coping rushes back in like I'm back to my fatass-er self from years ago. It's fucking ridiculous. I've done so much research on different kinds of chemicals in the brain related to the stomach, our appetites, and the gist of it all is that "some people get hungrier than others" because of another stupid fucking thing related to genetics/luck. I'm not jealous. I'm just pissed. I'm pissed at the fact that I ever got fat. Like what the fuck, man? Why did I get fat and that guy over there didn't? Like for fuck's sake even my parents are healthy. How the fuck did I end up needing food for coping? For indulgence? Why is gluttony such a fucking issue within my life? Whatever. I'm done now. This is one post I don't give a fuck to fix the grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading.