I posted in one of these threads that died before, so I'll just copy what I wrote.
I've been living in the ghetto for the past five years, so I have a laundry list of awful roommates. The worst part is that I'm so used to it, that it's just common place to me. I'll start from the top, and go through all the ones I can remember.
Clarence. He was a bigger person who probably had autism. He spent over $500 on MTG cards and left them EVERYWHERE in the apartment. He would piss in empty soda bottles and dump them in the kitchen sink. He would play video games, loudly, until 3 am. He was a slob. All-on-all, not too bad.
Clair. This woman was in her 40s and was ex military. I remember when she first moved in, she approached me and offered me $20 to help her move in. Sure, why not. She lived here the same time Clarence did, and noticed the mess he made. So she got upset. She would actively pull knives on the kid, threaten him, yell at him, and tell him to clean it up. He wouldn't because it was about power to him. So she would get drunk at 4 am, pound on his door, and blow smoke in his face from a cigarette (smoking is banned in our apartment).
Moving on to Janice. She was a typical white girl in hers 20s who needed a cheap place to live. There were 8 people living here total, and she was the only woman (Claire had since been evicted). Janice would flirt with every guy in the apartment, and when they made a move on her, complain to the landlord and threaten a lawsuit. All-in-all, not the worst, except for when she flirted with the wrong guy here - his name is Robert.
Robert was a guy with no job, probably in his 30s, and clingy as fuck. I took him out once on his birthday since I pitied him, and he texted/called me EVERY DAY FOR A MONTH after that, wanting to hang out... despite no answers on my part. No big deal. He drank every night. Now, Janice, being Janice, decided to flirt with him. This guy is kind of stupid, so he pretty much tried to rape her. Luckily Clarence was a big dude and stepped in to protect Janice. Since he was probably autistic, he made no moves on her in her vulnerable state. Needless to say, Robert and Janice were both kicked out.
Let's not forget the Jamaican we had living with us, Gary (if you haven't noticed yet, I'm using fake names). Gary was a pretty chill dude (except he paid no rent and my landlord hated him). His girlfriend, however... she was a grade A bitch. She would pound on the front door at 2 am because she thought Gary was cheating on her. He tried a few times to dump her, and she went on to break three windows in the house. The kitchen windows, the common room windows, and the front door windows. Gary was later evicted.
Now, the coup de grace. Remember when I said I got conditioned to these kinds of roommates? Nothing could prepare me for this motherfucker. Jerry. 20. Wealthy neighborhood kid with a clean record who's down on his luck. Alright, seems legit. Except it wasn't. Let me tell you about Jerry.
Jerry is a white supremacist. Living in a ghetto, there are a lot of black people around. He calls them chimps, apes, etc. And he's 100% serious. It's pretty uncomfortable. Once they played music on Memorial Day, and he looks me dead in the eye and says I don't know what to do. Should I call the cops or skin a cat and write in blood on their door? ...
Jerry, like Clarence, pissed in bottles. But instead of dumping them in the kitchen sink, just left them out in front of his front door. I'm not sure why he needed them, because he pissed all over the toilet seat and the floor around it, and jacked off into the bathroom sink.
Jerry had just come from a messy apartment complex, and wanted a cleaner area. My landlord ensured him this was his cleanest area (me and some other guy who are clean freaks live here). Within a week the kitchen is fucking trashed. Oh, and all of our dozens of plates and silverware suddenly went missing. What?
If a trashed kitchen wasn't bad enough, he ate all of our food. The fridge was emptied in three days. The cabinets were emptied within a week. I suspect he may have pawned a lot of it. So my roommate and I couldn't buy food for the following two months.
Jerry wanted food stamps. But since he's retarded, he wanted to get evicted first. To do this, he wouldn't pay rent and wait for an eviction. You don't need to be evicted to get food stamps.
Jerry casually asked me How would you feel about a roommate who purchased an AK-47 for the apocalypse? Not very comfortable, Jerry. Please don't.
Jerry carried a fucking machete around in the hallway. Let me repeat that. He carried a machete. He had it mounted over his shoulder and it was covered in paint. He would often stand outside the window, staring at the - as he called it - monkeys, carrying his machete, sometimes for two hours at a time.
Jerry, angry and frustrated (and probably doped up on marijuana and booze) punched a huge ass crater into our wall. The damage is so bad the entire wall needs to be torn down and rebuilt. And it's cold around here, so our heat bill is skyrocketing. Thanks, Jerry.
Needless to say, his own family didn't even want him. Fucking Jerry. God fucking dammit, Jerry. He recently just moved out earlier this week, and I am so looking forward to being able to store food in my kitchen again.