People use the word "customer" a lot, even when they shouldn't. We definitely use it way too much for the ones that walk in without intending to pay for the product they take. I think the term thief is more applicable.

This is a relatively recent experience, call it the tail end of November. I was about to go on my cigarette break, but my boss calls in over the headset that a man in a blue shirt had just stuffed two products down his pants and was pushing for the exit.

So I look at the shop floor, there were three or four dudes in blue shirts. I know we're not supposed to discriminate based on appearance, but it was obvious who the thief was. It's a certain thing was based solely on the way the man looked. Didn't even second guess.

We stop him. He claims not to have anything down his pants, I tell him there's no way he's that well endowed, pointing at the mammoth bulge that's positioned nowhere near a his natural born equipment should be.

Then I say the words that ruin my day. "You're a shitty thief, you can't even hide what you're stealing."

What happened next was a full blown, no joke, I shit you not, honest to god, adult temper tantrum. I got shit off my boss later for very clearly smiling in plain view of the security camera when it happened. He threw the products at other customers (aim was shit, didn't hit a one), so I told him he needs to leave.

He then makes for the exit, and as he's going, in plain view of everyone, takes two chocolate bars off the shelving, one actual customer even said out loud "Is he fucking serious?"

Apparently he wasn't because he just wanted to throw one of them indiscriminately, not caring if he hit anyone, (my mind goes to it landing right on the soft spot of a babies head or whatever) and then he wheels around and throws it clean at me. First time he actually aimed properly at something because I had to dodge it, and that made me a little angry. So I move toward him, and the absolute slackwit throws a punch right at my jaw before he leaves.

All that, and he didn't even get anything.

It weren't even a good punch too, it couldn't even stop me from chasing him out. But it's still assault and I still pressed charges because fuck that guy.

The image that's clearest in my mind was how he was smiling through cracked meth teeth before he threw the punch. Which is funny to me because he was issued a banning order and arrested two weeks later for what he'd done "and other charges" according to the police. I hope he's still smiling.

I could whine and complain about how some customers harrass our female staff, working at another store once I witnessed a customer start stroking a female staffers hair. I could complain about people who don't understand our policy about sale of alcohol when we print signs and display it in full view. I could complain about customers who ignore "Employee only" signs because they don't believe me when I say there's nothing out the back. I could complain about the entirety of people during the COVID panic. I could tell you about the stupid bitch who triggered our store alarm because she wanted employee assistance. I have a unique hatred of customers that still haven't accepted that it is my job to sight check their bag, but none of those idiots have ever thrown a punch in my face. That's a different experience.