From 7-8, my sadistic 16-17 year old sister used me as her sex toy. My big brother kept it going through 9 by "acting out with" me until I was 10, and in his guilt, he came forward with "the truth."

It was definitely his truth more than mine. Nothing ever happened to either my brother or my sister, just counseling. They both have kids. I don't know how safe they are, honestly.

I, on the other hand, got a nice mental illness, a tortured relationship to intimacy and years and years of therapy, so I got that going for me.

Since then, in just the last few years, I've had a man reach into my pants without warning. I've had a woman grab my butt pretending to help me keep my balance. I've had a girl stroll up to me and start to undo my belt right in public without my permission. I've had a man shove his tongue down my throat without any suggestion it was welcome.

When it keeps happening like that, it's hard to believe I didn't do something to deserve it. No matter how much therapy I go through it always feels like I have a sign on me that says "use me."